


But For This (part 3)

by Crossover_Critter



Series: HoodFlash [6]
Category: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), The Flash (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Barry Allen is The Flash, Barry Allen is a widower, DC Comics Rebirth, Hurt/Comfort, Jason Todd is Red Hood, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, cannon divergence: mid-RHATO annual 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:21:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25998199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crossover_Critter/pseuds/Crossover_Critter
Summary: Of course that makes the third time the shit show.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Iris Allen (past), Barry Allen/Jason Todd
Series: HoodFlash [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1828789
Comments: 6
Kudos: 69





	But For This (part 3)

**Author's Note:**

> For those who requested angst. Please heed the tags; the descriptions aren't graphic, but it's not a total ghost-over either. This is the last part of the "But For This" arc.

Of course that makes the third time the shit show.

Jason's been away in Gotham for the last couple of weeks doing his best to wrap up his _business_ and get the fuck out for good. Unfortunately for him, however, turning over a criminal empire is hardly child's play -- not that he can explain that to his boyfriend. In exchange for no questions asked about his _history_ , Barry had given him three months to get out – three months to make his past _past_ and dump his old life into Gotham Harbor attached to a cement block and an explosive charge and never look back.

Jason promised to make it happen, and that's a promise he intends to keep.

That doesn't mean he wants to see Gotham burn in the power vacuum.

He's never been so grateful for Suzie and her sisters. Among them they'd managed to portion out his holdings, arrange for the necessary paperwork, grease the right palms, hire the appropriate muscle, and silence the dissenters – the latter task falling squarely on the sisters Su, because even if he's not completely finished, Jason is out of _that_ life.

Barry might not know more than the broad brush strokes of Jason's past, and Jason hopes more than anything that that will always be the case, but he still made a vow to himself when they started this whole star-crossed, cop-meets-gangster love story that is their lives: It's _over._ Barry, without having a clue what he was _actually_ agreeing to, trusted Jason enough to give him _this_ , and there's no way in hell Jason will further betray that trust.

So it takes a few weeks before Jason sees his nerdy, sweater vest-wearing boyfriend again, and by the time he comes through the door of his flat to find Barry prepping dinner, waiting for him as promised, even the _bow tie_ is a turn on. Which is why Jason leaves it on as he strips the scientist otherwise bare, hooking a finger under the fabric and leading the startled man to the sofa where he gently pushes him down.

He's not been home more than five minutes, and the look Barry's giving him is a little dazed and a little awed, and Jason's cock is already hard in delicious anticipation. Yanking his own shirt over his head, Jason drops to his knees in front of the sofa, reaching out to cup the back of his boyfriend's head and draw him in for a kiss that leaves them both breathless.

"Miss me?" Barry asks softly, hands caressing Jason's face. He brings their foreheads together and for several seconds they just _feel_.

Jason does _not_ want a repeat of their first time together (as good as it was for _then_ ), so he tries to think unsexy thoughts and regain a bit of composure. But god bless Barry for realizing it's a losing battle, and all Jason catches is the flash of a wicked smile before Barry's grabbing him by the belt loops and hefting him up and astride his legs.

Jason's _yelp_ of surprise becomes a _moan_ of pleasure, because god damn if it isn't hot as hell that his dorky boyfriend – who Jason will bet has _never_ set foot inside a gym that wasn't also a crime scene _–_ can manhandle him that way. "God, _yes_ , baby, I've missed you. Have wanted you so badly. It's been so hard to wait," he murmurs as he grinds down against Barry's crotch.

And that's when it goes to hell.

Those _words._ The _weight._

_'So hard to wait. You made me wait so long. You know you want this, baby.'_

It blindsides Barry, and the rational part of his mind isn't fast enough to outrace the nightmare. In an instant he's back _there, s_ enses overwhelmed by perfume, muscles dulled to the point of uselessness with alcohol -- even though he _swears_ he hasn't had _that much_. And as hands tug at his clothes and the weight settles on him, he _thinks_ he yells "no," and he _thinks_ he tries to get away, but it doesn't matter because he _can't fucking move!_

And Jason...Jason feels the exact moment when Barry tenses and goes still beneath him, and even in the haze of his pleasure that sharp voice in the back his mind is screaming ' _stop!'_ and has him off the sofa and dropping to the floor before he even registers what he's doing.

And what he sees makes his breath catch and his heart twist, because Jason _knows_ what's happening. He's _been_ there. And yet he can't believe it -- can't believe that someone would ever...not to _Barry_.... He feels the prick of tears and resolutely shoves the thought away, reaching out slowly to take his boyfriend's hand. It's rigid, muscles stressed to shaking, and while Barry's eyes are open, Jason knows that he's not _here._ He's stuck... _there._

So Jason presses a chaste kiss to Barry's shoulder, slowly covers him with a fleece blanket, and gently brushes a hand across the few stray hairs on his forehead, hoping to draw that gaze to him. "Barry," he says, forcing his voice to remain even, "It's me, it's Jason. You're at home. You're safe. Can you come back to me? Please?"

Barry's breaths continue to come in short gasps as Jason says his name over and over again, trying to pull him back. And Jason's afraid it's not working until Barry suddenly jerks and starts to cough as his lungs decide to greedily suck down oxygen.

Because the weight is _gone,_ and instead of the sickly sweet scent of perfume, Barry smells cardamom and sweat and leather. "Jason!" he croaks out, panicked, pulling at the younger man's hand until he comes close enough that Barry can turn and bury his head in his boyfriend's chest and try and fight back the sobs.

It's Jason's expression that breaks him.

Barry leans back, desperate for a kiss, and freezes; one look at the younger man's face and Barry knows that Jason knows _exactly_ what happened. And with shaking shoulders and stuttered breaths, the tears fall -- splashes of shame, humiliation, and fear -- as he again presses close and tries to steady himself to the beat of Jason's heart.

' _It's over_ ,' chides that ugly little voice inside Barry's head. ' _No one wants_ this!' And it's not fair, because he and Iris spent their first years together working through his shit, and it should be _gone_ , but it's _not_ , and it's. Not. Fucking. Fair!

The yelling in his head is so loud that Barry almost misses what Jason is saying. In between the "it's okays" are "I understands" and "I get its."

Which can't be right, because that means....

But when Barry looks up again, Jason's eyes are watery and his lips are twisted in pain, and Barry thinks, _Oh, god, no,_ as he feels his heart clench _._

Jason just shrugs, a minute lift of his shoulder; he can't quite meet Barry's eyes. "Life on the streets, you know?" he says quietly, so uncharacteristically _unsure._

Clumsily slipping off the sofa, the blanket tangling around him in his haste, Barry goes to his knees and pulls Jason as close as he can, burying his face in the tender skin where neck meets shoulder. The truth is that he _doesn't_ know, because it might be the same thing, but it's an entirely _different_ story. What they share is the hurt _._ "I'm so sorry," he whispers, feeling the younger man's arms tighten around him and Jason's tears against his cheek as if they were his own.

Jason can't swallow around the lump in his throat to speak; the best he can do is utter a broken _hum_ of acknowledgment against Barry's temple as he fights his hardest to _not_ remember.

There's a long pause, and Barry knows he doesn't _have_ to fill the silence, but before he can lose his nerve he says, "College girlfriend who couldn't wait."

Jason makes the connection with a muttered curse, and if there was any space left between them it's gone as the larger man all but crushes Barry in the hug. "Oh, god, Barr, I'm sorry," he murmurs weakly.

But now that Barry's started talking, he finds he can't make the words stop spilling. "I wasn't sure -- I didn't think I loved her. I just wanted to wait, you know, until I knew for sure, but she wouldn't, so she...she...." _Raped me._ He trails off, voice raw and choked, as the words echo in his head. And all of a sudden part of Barry is terrified that Jason might think he _knew_ this would happen and was too scared to tell him, and it has him rushing to add, "I thought I was okay. Iris and I...we worked through it. It hasn't happened in a long time. I'm sorry, I didn't think...please...."

Barry's pleas for understanding are silenced by a gentle finger against his lips, which is slowly replaced by Jason's own mouth on his. The kiss is brief and chaste, and it's the only way Jason can think to say "it's not your fault, I don't blame you," since it feels like he's suffocating. Trembling, Barry presses himself closer into the other man's warmth, and the silence returns, broken only by ragged breaths.

Ten minutes or an hour later, Barry finally asks, "What now?" _needing_ to know how badly he's messed this up.

Jason makes a strangled sound, because god he does not want to do this, but.... "I guess we actually talk about our...baggage." His words are so quiet that Barry has to strain to hear them. "I probably have a few triggers you should know about, too." Because fuck if life doesn't hate him _so fucking much_ that it's rape and not the _murders_ he fucking committed that might bring this all down if they can't _adult_ their way through it.

Leaning back, Barry searches Jason's face with wide, tear-reddened eyes, and Jason isn't sure if his boyfriend hates the idea as much as he does or if he's surprised that Jason isn't taking the easy road and saying "goodbye."

Either way, Jason is suddenly very, very tired, head fuzzy and limbs leaden from crashing adrenaline and clawing memories, and he finds he's out of words. Instead of talking, he slowly wraps the blanket around Barry and gathers him in his arms, stands and steps over to the sofa, and holds the other man tightly to his chest as he sits and stretches out on the cushions. He's waiting for it to be _too much_ , knowing they're both on edge, but Barry just curls into Jason, closes his eyes, and clings to him as tightly as he can.

And Jason can admit that the cowardly part of himself that knows nothing except how to repress and ignore and deny _wants_ to run – probably _would_ if he wasn't so damn tired, because the truth is that he's _afraid_ of what lurks in those deep, dark corners of his brain, and he knows tomorrow is going to _fucking_ _suck._ But as he presses a kiss into Barry's hair, feels the _puff_ of the man's breath on his skin and the comfort that comes from finally not being _alone,_ he hopes that for _this_ they'll both find the strength to stay.


End file.
